Chism Trails

Inspiring Travelers from our Real Adventures

One Year a Widow

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It has been one year since I became a widow. How am I feeling? That is the question that many have asked. The answer . . .  tired, weary, lost, anxious, sad; but also thankful, grateful, and joyful.

You see the memories and the gifts that Mark left me are beautiful! My children are the greatest gift. They have been my strength through this very trying and lonely time in my life. 

I am so grateful that Mark planned a long time ago for even this time. Last year as we talked, I could tell he was deep in thought. I asked him if he was scared or worried. He told me, “No, I am not scared. I know where I am going, and I’m looking forward to heaven. But I am worried.”  I looked at him with my odd look and asked why he was worried then. He simply said, “I am worried about you. Will you be okay?” 

He knew that even though most think I am very independent, I am very dependent—on him. We did life as a team. We held each other up and supported each other in everything we did in our journey together.  When the team is broken up, it makes it rough. I remember telling him that day that I would be okay, but inwardly wondering how I was going to do life without him. 

One Year with Help

It has been a year. I have made it through, but not without his help and guidance. He made a plan for me. He set up resources for me to help me. He took care of me through planning. I didn’t even know how much over the years he planned for that “just in case” moment. I am grateful. 

He also gave me some wonderful children who have been beside me every step of the way, helping and guiding me as needed. They have made sure I am not alone for long periods of time and have included me in their activities. The grandchildren have been a huge blessing and joy to hug on and love on every chance I get. I have a fantastic job with a community of likeminded friends who have held me up in prayer through the tough times, and I am so thankful. 

Hardships

The hardships over the year have included setting boundaries and making decisions. Mark used to help with those boundaries and decisions. I tend to say yes too often where I should say no. I tend to fall to pressure to say I will do something when I really should say, or just want to say, no. I am working on this still. I’m seeking advice and reading books to find help. 

Decisions, decisions, so many decisions. It was so nice over the years to defer the decision-making process, but I can’t do that anymore. I must make the decision. Decisions are hard. I have had to make several tough decisions this year. I am confident in the decisions I have made, but some were really taxing on me mentally and physically. I am working on being more confident in making decisions without the worry of “is it the right decision” or “what will others think.” I need to be more concerned about what my Lord thinks and what is best for me. 

Shoulder Taps

Recently, a friend came by to help me with something at the house. As we were talking, I was telling him about a tough decision that I had to make this past year. I told him how I struggled with it and that Mark would have been the one to lead in that decision.  We were talking about how stressed the situation was making me and how it was affecting my health and my extended family. 

My friend said he calls those feelings “shoulder taps.”  I looked at him strangely, and he said sometimes when we feel uncomfortable it could simply be the Lord helping and guiding us in that decision. Hmm, “shoulder taps.” I like that because after I made the tough decision to walk away from that situation, I felt so relieved. While I was very sad to have to do it, I am confident in the decision and that the Lord was leading me away from a bad situation. 

My Health

This past year I have been working on my own health–trying to rest after years of caregiving and putting my own health on the back burner.  The health journey is not an easy one after a time like this, but I’ve learned the importance of letting the body rest and recover after such a traumatic few years. 

Mental health is a real thing too. Some just let that go, but I am here to say, “Don’t do that.” Mental health has deep roots and affects your body subconsciously. The effects on the body are usually caused by triggers. Sometimes I may not even see a trigger coming until it is right there on top of me causing my body to react in ways I can’t control. Honestly, I find it very annoying. I don’t like to not be in control. I had to reach out for help from my friend and mentor to figure out what was happening. She has been a tremendous help and a true blessing by checking in on me throughout the year. She is thirteen years a widow as I write this, so she very much knows the emotions and feelings that I experience daily. Her husband was a groomsman in our wedding. I also reached out to a health coach for some help and guidance. Now I am closer to understanding and working on that area of my health to make it better. It is not an easy process, and it will be one day at a time for years to come. 

Adventures and Joy

While it has been a tough year of healing, grieving and stressful decisions, the year did not go by without adventures and joy. I am thankful that Mark and I worked as a team as we ventured into our second home or retirement home plans. We got our travel trailer several years ago, and then upgraded to a four seasons Lance Travel Trailer.  We learned the ins and outs of RV travel together.  When we went on trips, he had his things to do, and I had mine; but he took the time to teach me the things that he normally did so that I would know how. 

As he started getting sick, we were still able to go out some because he could tell me what to do and what to remember to do. I wrote those things down as he told me and guided me. This year I laminated those handwritten notes so I would always have his help with me. Some family members assumed I would simply sell the travel trailer, but Mark told me to please keep it and use it.  He wanted me to continue making memories with our grandchildren and enjoy our retirement home. I was able to get out in the travel trailer five times this first year. I love our travel trailer and I even sleep so much better in it. So that peace that comes with being in the camper for a few days is a much-needed endeavor. I am grateful for that little piece of calm. 

Lessons Learned

What have I learned the most this year? I have learned that I can still be dependent. As I have grown closer to my Saviour, my dependence has been more on Him and His Help and guidance.  I am finding comfort and blessings in His shoulder taps to guide me. 

Psalms 61:2 says, “From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.“

As I journey forward into the coming years, my prayer is to hold onto Mark’s favorite verse, Galatians 5:13. “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.”

One year a widow with more years to come.

Some helpful books that have been a huge blessing to me.

 

Never the Same but Traveling On

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    The camping/vacation adventures for our family will never be the same without our team leader, scheduler, and cheer leader.  He always laid out the schedule after working on it for weeks/months. This man planned overnight stops and things to see on those stops as well as an itinerary after we arrived at our destination.  He constantly researched sites to see along the way.  He knew what we liked and focused on those things.  No, the travel won’t stop, we will be traveling on, but it will be different that’s for sure.  The person I am speaking of was promoted to his Heavenly home on Christmas Eve 2021.

   But those past travels as a family will never be forgotten.  Mark was a planner and he spent hours on each trip we took.

One of our favorite trips: Alaska

Mark worked on this Alaska schedule for a whole year making down payments and purchasing tickets when it was necessary. Wow! It was a wonderful trip! We used Mark’s business travel miles for airline tickets for all eight of us in the family.

As I said, the trip was totally planned as Mark had scheduled where we would stay and what we would see. All four kids had backpacks for their personal things for the nine hour plane trip. But their youngest wasn’t much bigger than her bag and it was slowing us down. We were trying to hurry to get to a connecting flight and she was so little. I reached down to carry her backpack so she could go faster and she looked up at me and demanded, “my bag!” so, I reached down and grabbed her AND her bag so we could make it to the gate on time.  Off we went just in time.

   We had a layover in Las Vegas and some hours until the next flight so we rested in a motel room until it was time. We were all so tired, all eight of us crashed on the two beds in the room and took a power nap.

   Finally, we were off again and arrived in Anchorage, Alaska. Mark used the timeshare he inherited from his mom to reserve two joined townhouses. It was a beautiful place. 

Alaskan Cruise

   Mark had purchased a train/ocean cruise package for us and we took off to the train station. The train railed through the beautiful snow topped mountains for approximately 2 hours. Even in July snow covered the mountains as in a painted picture. Goats, deer, antelope, moose and bears were running wild through-out the area. Not long into the trip, we were able to go to the second level of the train with a glass top and the view was even more amazing. 

   The ocean cruise was our next part of the package. But as we were standing in line, there was an accident and our departure was delayed. When we finally boarded the ship, the captain realized he had a time constraint with the train schedule because of the delayed departure so he doubled the speed.  He had to get the passengers back at a certain time to catch the train. 

The ship was literally rocking.  Never have I seen so many ‘green’ faces.  There were too many in the bathroom lines so many passengers were leaning over the side of the ship sick including all four of the kids in our family.  After the captain felt he was back on schedule, he slowed the ship down to a reasonable speed.  Then we were able to see the whales and other wild life in the water. The puffer bills were clear to see on the islands.  

   After we returned to the port, I remember one of the ship waitresses saying, “she had never seen so many sick people on the ship.”  We did make it to our scheduled train trip back to Anchorage and back to our villa.  Whew! Were we tired, but in a good way, even though we got sick on the boat.  To this day, what we remembered from that Alaska trip is how sick we all were on the cruise.

Camping Tradition

   Every year, too far back to remember, we spent a week or so camping at Defeated Creek in Carthage, Tennessee.  Before my retirement, my husband and daughter would go ahead and set up the camp site while Mark and I would come after we got off work. On one of those trips, we were driving slowly into the winding, wooded area to the camp ground when I saw a turtle in the road. I asked Mark to stop and get it. I thought the kids would like seeing it up close. So, he stopped and put it in a box under his feet (not a good idea). That turtle snapped and snapped at his feet until we got to our campsite. He was driving and jerking his feet up as he drove through to the park. That was a bonfire story to tell for sure that will make you laugh.

Mississippi Ants

   We will never forget our trip to Mississippi and the Mississippi ants. We pulled into a beautiful wooded campground in our 35ftBH Dutchman camper in Jackson MI. A fellow camper blowing leaves away from his unit said, “watch out for the ants!”  We had never had trouble with ants before and I thought nothing of it. Nothing like waking to the a screaming child because she saw ants in her retainer! We must have spent $400 plus on ant sprays for the rest of the trip. When we got home, then and only then, did we get rid of the ants after I called our exterminator. Mark had planned/scheduled this trip as all the other trips, but he didn’t anticipate the ant situation as did any of the rest of us. That is what we all truly remember about that trip.

Yellowstone Camping

    Probably the most exciting/rewarding trip we ever made as campers was to Yellowstone National State Park. By this time Mark and my daughter had their own camper. Again, Mark had researched, made reservations and down payments on everything we were to experience on our trip. We had reservations side by side inside Yellowstone Park that were reserved and paid for a year in advance. Mark felt like the driving should be as fun as the end destination, so he planned rest times and places to see on the way. If there was a museum anywhere around the area, you can bet we saw it. Monuments, too! Like my husband, Mark loved history. In some places many strangers around us listened to Mark discuss items in the museums as if he was a tour guide.  

   When we finally arrived at the campground, Mark said to my husband, “well, what do you want to see?” And my husband said, “everything.”  We barely got our campers parked, coffee pot hooked up and we were off to the most amazing trip of our camping experience.  

Wildlife Everywhere

     Buffalos stopped all traffic on the roads regularly and you left them alone—this was their home, not yours.  But that was indeed awesome to see as they roamed in the campground as well. 

    We received an instruction sheet 2-3 pages long at the welcome center in the campground.  One rule was do not leave food/grills outside the camper because of the animals. Another suggestion was always have someone with you when you walk outside. They highly suggested you take bear spray anytime you were out. Yep, we bought some! 

    We were able to walk around the Prismatic Spring on a boardwalk trail. A little dangerous because you sure didn’t want to loose your footing if you wanted to be seen again, but it was worth the experience for sure.  The waterfalls were breathtaking! There was no way we could see it all, but we wore ourselves out trying. It was all just so spectacular.  

    The trip home from Yellowstone was equally exciting. We stopped in Deadwood, SD for a few days and got to see a real live gun fight in the street. But the sheriff quickly took the villains to jail and then there was a trial that we were allowed to witness. Boy, they don’t mess around with lawbreakers in that town! Of course, there were museums to see and we saw all that time would allow. 

Thankful for the Memories

     It was our goal as a family to see as many of the national parks as possible. This last year we were hoping to make a trip to Utah. Travel became more difficult and got put on hold for a time as our scheduler/planner wasn’t able to go and all our lives took a different direction.

     We never would have gotten to see everything on these trips without Mark’s enthusiasm.  He was a reader and researched so much before we even started our motors.  He certainly motivated us to ‘like’ monuments as never before as we stopped at all of them within 5 miles.  

     Mark, thank you for the many hours you put in researching our trip to make it the best yet.  He is sorely missed …..and camping/travel will never be the same.

“But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.” ~I Thessalonians 4:13 (KJV)

Traveling On

 

Two James Chism’s of VA

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Two James Chisms of VA Revolutionary War Bounty Records There were two James Chisms who served in Virginia Line and received Bounty Lands in Kentucky for their Revolutionary War service.  PVT. James Chisham/Chizham, who died while in service is … [Continue reading]